the ever passing moment

i came across a blog that was tittled: music is my boyfriend. the tittle made me happy....
Lets see, whats going on in my life? Umm.... Last weekend I got to go down to swift current and see Means play, which totally made my holiday. My mom came up to swift so I got to hang out with her, which was nice to spend sometime with her. I also got to hang out with suzy and i went down to millar on sunday to go to church in vangard with patty cakes (my sister). Besides that I have just been working and hanging out with friends in the city.
I finsihed christmas shopping and am still in the process of wrapping them. Yes, this year i was ambitious, nobody is getting gift cards.
So i am not going home for christmas eve or chirstmas day. i am working, but you know what? I AM SO PUMPED. (although i am sad that this is my first year away from home for christmas) but, I get to spend it with a bunch of kids and be able to share it with them. i get to be there when they open gifts and spend time with them. i think the song by Third Day christmas like a child, it hits home. www.myspace.com/thirdday
But I will be coming home on boxing day, and my friend megan is getting married on the 29th, which also makes me happy, and I am so excited for them.
i haven't been doing anything super great or exciting but, life is good. God is good. And this christmas season, i have been focusing just the gift of Christ, that he has come, we have hope that doesn't disappoint and life abundantly. i confess, i have no clue what i am doing with this life. i don't know where i am going to be doing or even where i am going to be in the next couple of years. So many uncertanties when i step outside my door. But it is not really up to me for me to worry about. there is so much pressure for us our twenties to figure out our lives, figure out what we are doing, get our educations, and so forward. i am trying to hear Gods voice in the midst of all this. And sometimes He doesn't give me a clear direct answer, sometimes he gives me many possiblities. or maybe he doesn't want me to know exactly, maybe he wants me to live life in the present which then the future arises out of. I don't know where I am going with this...
I am excited about the uncertanties. I have a few things that i think God is calling me towards and opening oppertunites. I just have a few pieces of a puzzle...
well, I am going to make a cup of hot chocolate and watch a movie.
Merry Christmas!

auntie

So for those of you who don't know, I have been working at the crisis nursery. I love going to work, and it has been such a huge learning experience for me. The kids that come through are sooo cute, and really I just want to take them home.
I just want to share an experience that I had yesterday. I took a nine month old into a walk-in clinic, which took me forever to figure out how to put a car seat into my car, by which I now realize why families buy four door cars or mini vans. Anyways, the baby was really sick and crying all the way there. Thankfully i managed to calm him down in the doctors office....but it was really funny, a person came up to me and said, "you have such a cute little son". I didn't want to explain that he was not mine, so i replied with a very generic answer...."yes, he is a cute little guy" . Then when I sat down with the other people in the waiting room, and I could see a group of middle aged women looking at me from accross the room, wispering, and giving me really funny looks (okay, so us women probably know that "baby gaze" that we probably give to other women that are holding babies??). I think in my head, the thought of being a mom is such a forgein concept to me. I also feel so young to even have a baby, so it felt kinda wierd, thinking that people thought I had a baby. Then I finally got into the doctors office, where I waited and waited, trying to keep him happy and not screaming his head off.... meanwhile the little tike had the biggest dump, probably of his life...hahaha.....and the small cubical of a doctors office was radiated with the stentch of baby crap!! So I changed him right then and there and left a present in the doctors garbage bin..hehehe...then the doctor (who was a fairly young guy) came into the room and was hit with a wall of stench....(i secretly giggled). anywho, that was my adventure, I have many others too, like adventures of potty training or how to do head lice treatments...i guess it is all in a days work ;)

Peas

This is rather random
But,
It has taken me twenty three years to decide that I do not like peas. For many years I tried to convince myself that consuming them was enjoyable, especially the garden peas. However, I think I only really liked garden peas because I used to steal them from my moms garden as a kid, so it really wasn't the taste that appealed to me, but the thrill of successfully ramsacking the garden of them. So as I matured into adulthood, I lived with the sense that somehow i liked the taste of peas and forced myself to eat them. However, today I realized, after being offered some peas from a garden, I declined...I really don't like peas.

Global Domination

You will take over United States of America using only a large, three-clawed dragon Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

things to look forward to this weekend...

ice skating
making cookies at school with a friend
catching up on my women and gender studies/study for the exam
the tree 63 concert hanging out with briana
Chelsea coming to see me
hot chocolate
work
Tabby's show
and....

THE RIDER GAME!

a blank slate

There is a phrase that is reiterating itself in my head. It is going over and over, slighty eating away. It might not mean anything to you who is reading this, but as for me, it seems to be making me angry.
"how can someone impact their world when they can't even make it to a meeting?"
I joined this group through mosiac, where they meet once a week, where they get together and talk about things that as a group they can do in the city to help out. One week, they talk and pray about situations and possible places that they can help out, and the alternating week they go and serve. When I joined, I told the person in charge that it was a sweet idea, however, i wouldn't be able to make it to the meetings on monday nights, (i have school) but when they do the outreaches, I would be more than willing to help out(b/c they usually have been on the weekends). And that seemed to be okay with them. So, when they have sent out an e-mail stating that they are doing something, I have gone down and did it. But I keep getting these e-mails saying that how I need to be more committed, and giving me a general feel that I am not doing enough. I guess that phrase is icing on the cake for me.
I am learning not to care what people think of me. If someone wants to think that i am lazy and that this type of ministry is not on a priority list for me....
There are a lot of things breaking my heart lately,
my heart breaks for the kids at the nursery, for the situations that some of them have come out of, and for the kids that are getting pushed into our messed up system. My heart breaks when I am driving down the alphabet streets and I see young women get into cars and the hell that awaits for them. My heart breaks for the abused and hurting, knowing that all I really can do, is to sit and listen. My heart breaks for my friends who are going through tough times.
But their are a lot of things that are restoring my heart as well, that give me tears of joy. God knows my heart, God knows what I do, and i will leave it at that.
I really can only do so much, physically, I am tired, mostly because I have been battling a virus for three weeks, most days I am feeling achey and cold coughing up nasty things. Last weekend, one night I was so sick that I couldn't hold anything down. I also had a bunch of people over, which was unfortunate that they got to hear me barfing all night long. But I broke down, and I am going to see a doctor tomorrow.
So how can someone impact their world when they can't even show up for a meeting?
well, I would rather go and do something that is hands on, where I am not sitting on a comfortable couch discussing about all the things we could be doing sipping back tea.
Personally, I don't think that he was trying to be hurtful, but I think he's got backward tactics for trying to get people to come.
So, I am in the process of writing him an e-mail, simply stating that I can't come tonight because I am busy, which is further going to solidify his opinion of me.
.whatever.

El commande-joe

I started a new job last week and I love it.
I have been very blessed!

The unforced rhythms of Grace

Tonight the stars speak
tonight the stars speak of your infinite love
it serves to remind me
what I have means nothing at all
compared to your glory, oh Lord
how long till your voice speaks clearly
how long till your arms envelope me
I cry be my strength where I am weak
oh Lord, have mercy on me please
my spirit is willing but my flesh is so weak
I cry in your arms now
God grant me your strength to rest in you
I lift my hands and cry
-Ben Crist
www.myspace.com/thegloriousunseen

"are you tired? worn out? burned on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take real rest. Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly"

I often wonder when a person crosses the line of doing too much, being worn out and burnt out, or tired of trying to measure up. Christianity was never meant for people to be so caught up in religion that we forsake Christ, filling the void with acts of duty, instead of filling our void with Him. It is kinda crazy to think that you can still be living in the flesh, even with doing acts of good deeds. Think about it. Because it is possible. Why do you think Jesus makes a point of saying this to his people. I love the pslams, I love how David went through seasons of happiness and joy, being awe stuck with God to deep sorrow, sadness, and anger toward Him. We are human, poor and needy, read pslam 86. We don't have to be the puffed up model Christian, because we will never be perfect on our own, we will always be poor and needy, nor do I ever want to stray away from that place. I think it is also neat how God uses us the most when we are poor and needy, because we have surrendered all to Him. Don't listen to the lies that tell you that you have to feel good all the time.
"The Christian life is not a constant high. I have my deep moments of discouragement. I have to go to God in prayer with tears in my eyes and say "oh lord, forgive me" or "help me" " -Billy Graham
Jesus said walk and learn with me marian-learn the unforced rhythms of grace. Come to me...

politics 101

So I am excited for the election coming up. But I am not going to blog about a political party or who you should vote for. I don't know a lot about politics, (I guess that is why I have decided to take a political studies class), but I have been learning that one should make themselves educated, look up on line at the different parties and the platforms, find which ones you agree with, which ones you think are going to run a good government. You can do this by googling the different parties.(ah googling, what would life be without you?) you can also google up cbc news and ctv news and click on saskatchewan. So it is really easy to find out about each party...

video du jour...info

So you guys probably already have found out about google sky, but since I am always running behind the news, I just recently found out about it. It is the coolest thing ever, (okay I sound like a nerd) but really....check it out if you have time....It is neat to see the different solar systems and planets, the universe is so big and beautiful!

Video du jour...#2... funny ones

The Chub Chubs


Brian Regan


and of course..
Jerry Seinfield

Video du jour...

So, due to the high level of information overload in my brain, I started watching more and more you tube videos to counter act it by numbfying it. So thought that I am going to make a series out of the ones that I have watched called video du jour. (creative levels have reached a low...) anywho...these are the first ones that I am going to post.....They are from the Tales of mere existance

This one is my favorite. Somehow it seems to capture my life right now.

This one also cracks me up...and guys think we over analyize...

moving on

I am getting sick of moving. Yet again, I seem to be in the process, and somehow, there always seems to be a twist that makes the moving process more complicated. For instance, we moved in April, and with having to leave our old house a day before we could get into our new place, left us moving our stuff into other peoples houses, then on the day of me leaving to go tree planting, I had to move my stuff into the apartment, where I left it all in a mega mess, poor kjersti and jannaya could not get into the closet. When I came back from tree planting, jannaya, was still subletting my room, so my stuff was still in the closet, untouched since april, and everytime I wanted to get something such as my clothes I had to hobble over things, which usually ended up in me squishing something or getting stuck or making a bigger mess. However, I travelled around the province which mostly consumed the free time I had in august, but still, I didn't really have a place to stay. And when I got back into saskatoon, I didn't even bother unpacking my storage boxes because the retarded increase of rent was forcing us to move, so I deemed unpacking to be unnessesary work. Now everything was fine and dandy until last week we got a phone call, and to make a long story short...we won't be able to get in until the 20th of October.(p.s to people...get things in writing....) anywho, so come sunday, Kjersti and I will be nomads, staying with friends and family until we can get in. Now, I should be packing, but I felt slightly fustrated and needed a break. So I am done now..but I was thinking that it will be a good time being able to stay with friends that you don't normally live with. So thats cool, and once I will be able to set up my own room (after five months of really not having a room) it will make me appreciate it more. And I was also thinking about the homeless people, and I am not really stressed about it because I know that everything will be fine after this little stint I will have a place to stay. But the ones on the street face this reality everyday, never knowing if they will ever have a home. So it kinda puts things into perspective and helps the levels of anxiety to go down.
On an other note, I was also thinking how many times I have done this in my past too, moving... When people say where are you from.. I now can say I am from frontier, which leaves most people wondering where the heck it is. But when I was a kid, I moved from saskatoon (where i was born) to Raymond Ab, to sterling, to new dayton, to warner, to edmonton, to slave lake, to kinuso, to cold lake, and then finally back to saskatchewan...frontier. So in a time span of 13 years, I moved ten times. I don't know all the reasons why we moved, some of them was because of different jobs, being on welfare and finding affordable housing, and I know that we moved to edmonton becuase my mom wanted to upgrade her grade 12. But at each place that I have lived I met all sorts of people and experienced different things. As, I have said before, my parents were not the most wealthiest people, so growing up I lived in bad areas in Edmonton (our next door neighbor was a herion addict, and she had a son, whom, I used to play with, and then one day, police and some other people took him away, and my mom told me that he went to live with his grandmother....)to living in a town that was basically a reserve, (the reserve and the town were one) exposed me to certain "elements". Then the move to Frontier was different, acutually it was a huge ajustment, they were all church goers. So, there I was, a 13 year old girl that dropped the f-bomb every second word (just to say the least), and was a very pivital point in my life, and if it wasn't for me moving to Frontier, I would have gone down a very shaddy and different path.
I find when stressful situations arise, there is always the calm before the storm, the hurricane, and then the aftermath, then life returns to homeostasis. The thing is though, and the reason why, I put that story up there is that, life moves on, and you will be okay. Sometimes I need reminders of that; that is why I think back to how many times I have relocated and how I can see God tangibly moving and directing my life. I know I can put my foot forward,and move on, for my God will never leave me nor forsake me, and He holds to that promise for you as well.

untitled

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do you light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to the whole house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

There is a lot of darkness in this world. This summer I was asked, why does God allow or let bad things happen. Honestly, I have been wrestling ever since. It seems like a simple question, I could give a simple fake, make you feel good answer, but it is a lot more complicated than that. And people who have been vicitmized and/or don't have a christian background, my answer would be substanceless...

In a village of 1000 people: (roughly one tenth of the world's population)
-584 people are asian, 124 are africans, 95 are east+west europeans, and 52 are north american
-329 are christians, 178 are muslims, 178 are Hindu, 60 are buddists, 45 are atheists.
-165 can speak manderin, 86 can speak English, and 83 speak Hindi/Urdu
-1/3 of the population are child, half are which are immunized
-60 people ar over the age of 65, 28 babies wil be born, 10 people will die.
-out of the 10 deaths, 3 wil have had starved and 1 would have cancer.
-1 person will have HIV
-200 people will have received 75% of all income.
-800 people will share the remaining 26% of the income.
-70 people will have a vehicle
-1/3 will have access to safe drinking water
-1/2 of the adults are illiterate
-there would be 7 teachers and 5 soilders
-the village would have enough nuclear weapons to destroy itsef and are controlled by 100 people
-500 people would not have ever had a phone conversation
-10 people would have post secondary education
-10 people would have a computer
-500 people cannot attend a religious meeting of there choice due to fear of harassment, torture, arrest, or death.
-250 people have food, shelter, clothes, shelter while the others remain in absolute poverty.
(stats are from my sociology class, I thought that they were interesting)

When people say they cannot see God in the midst of pain, I dont really blame them. Can you see God in the midst of reading these statistics or newspaper headlines of "Police believe a missing Quebec teen may have been sold from one gang to another for less than $3,000 worth of cash and drugs", a mother who has cancer? Broken families where people commit adultry or when the wife is beaten? In allies where people shoot up or sleep, or how about when you read about natural disasters, sucide bombers, school shootings or how about reading about the sex slave industry or how people starving to death?

Pain is kinda a universal language and yes we live in a fucked up world.

But it shouldn't just stop there, I firmly believe that there is a lot of light in the world too. "For God so loved the world he gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him......This is the verdict: LIGHT has come into the world.." I don't know why bad things happen, but when they do happen, I know a God that loves you so much that he would give his son, his only son, so that we may have and experience the Light free of cost. I personally have experienced the light and I was thinking that I personally cannot stop anything bad from happening. I don't think God wants anything bad to happen to us, (man I could go into it here, but) and I as a Christian, need to show my light, to put it on the stand and let it shine to those who are still tangled the darkness. God gave us commands for us: to love our neighbor and love Him above all else. To love our neigbor is to help, display your light. I am guilty of hiding my light, I say I want to do things but never get around to doing it, more than ever I am learning that it is nice to say nice things, nice words, but in truth, my actions towards people will speak the most. I feel like nice words only hold up with the actions of love that you do behind it.

let your light shine before men, so that they may see your good deeds...

The process...

So for the longest time, I have been wanting to get a tattoo. I really like tattoos and is always fascinated by those who have them, usually because it shows a bit of their life story or has personal meaning. My ideas of what I wanted to get were always changing,(sometimes I am indecisive..) so I thought that it was best not to put anything permanent on my body incase of future dislike. However, lately I have been thinking about the word beloved. I know lots of people probably get hebrew words tattooed on them, and the idea is not really orginal, but I really like the meaning of it, and if it has personal meaning and is not just some random piece of art work, then why not get it?? Now I have to find a person who knows hebrew, although it is handy that my sister goes to a bible school were she has a teacher who knows hebrew, then I have to design it, and then find a good tattoo place to get it done. So eventually I will get a tattoo, but I am kind of scared that once I get one, I want would want more.

Man's Best Friend

here is a picture of my dog. His name is Timber. He likes to eat,sleep, and go for walks. He is a rather big dog, and some people are scared of him. But he has intense blue eyes. I am not too sure why I am writing this. But when I was looking through my sister's pictures, I saw this one. I thought that I would post it so everybody can see Timber.

Don't worry he is just yawning...

happy, happy, oh happiness!. I am out of the bush. Good bye hairy legs, swamp smelly boots, shovel, planting bags, and bugs!. It feels like freedom. Funny how a person gets so into routine you forget how life outside of it is. But yeah, so I am home now, home being saskatoon, (although I think I might head out to frontier tonight...) I have been hanging out with friends, going to the Fringe festival, saw a horse race, fell asleep watching movies....its great. I think that insomnia phase that I had is finally gone, and my abilities to stay up late have diminished...oh well, it is probably mentally healthier to have more than three hours a sleep a night:P But I guess life has been busy for me in the last two months. I have done a lot of traveling. I am thinking how to condense the last three months of funny stories, random events, and good memories, and it is a tad bit overwhelming...so here is somewhat of a try at it. Our break between spring and summer plant was cut short. It was short to begin with but after having a day shaved off, which made it three days, it was hard to fit everything in that you wanted to do. The thing was, we did not know that it got cut short until we were just about to leave camp. It kinda put me in a pickle, my ride after finding out that the holiday got cut short, he decided not to go....Then I was super stressed out, because the people who were going to saskatoon on the bus had already left to the bus depot in prince george....suck man...but I got a ride in to prince george, and made it for the last boarding call..hooray...but yeah, in those three days, I visited people in saskatoon, then I went home to Frontier...got to hang out at the jamboree (which was awesome), stayed over night at a friends house in shaunavon, headed back to saskatoon, then headed lloydminister, stayed the night, and then headed out to whitecourt, where our camp was meeting up. So, it was a busy three days, but an awesome three days. After the break the next biggest thing that happend was kjersti and aubree coming to visit. Again, it was nice to see friends. kjersti got to see how life in the bush was...he he... The other big thing that happened was krystal's wedding!!! at first I was not going to go. I wasn't sure where I was going to be at the time...(b.c or alberta) but when we were in alberta, and lori...(krystal's cousin who I worked with) was going...so it made it an attainable visit. So I got another three days off...which was sweet, I got to see some friends in regina that I hadn't seen in a very long time.
But then I went back to the bush, were the life of planting trees went on and on. Mostly because our end date kept on getting pushed further and further away. I think we did the 10 day count down several times. Then, the optional (planting after we were done...)became a mandatory optional. So we headed back out to prince george one last time. Because I had my car this time, it made life better. But funny story...i pulled up to this gas station ( I parked beside the gas station...I wasn't getting gas) just outside of jasper...and i pulled my e-brake when I parked. Thinking that everything was all good with my car, I headed towards lori...where she pointed back towards the direction of my car.....when I looked around, my car was rolling backwards. I ran over there, and was trying to get my key into the door as it was rolling towards another vehicle....ahh...but I got in and slammed on the break....while onlookers were all laughing at me....I felt like a real winner....but nonetheless, it was kinda funny. But I should get my e-brake fixed. I think that it is it for events that are going on in my life.
August is going to fly bye, and I am excited to go back to school in the fall. I am excited about my classes....( I am taking a political studies, sociology and the social welfare system, criminal psychology, child developmental psychology, and a native studies class) But yeah, that's life for me at the moment.

flight or fight

Bears are wild and unpredictable creatures....as I found out...
Okay so you know how in the past, I have blogged about being eaten by a large animal, well it sorta almost happened. I was planting up a hill, I was almost at the top... Ole, my planting partner was finished his bag and was starting a new one, which means that he was a fair distance away from me. As I was looking down planting trees, being in my own world and all, I hear something large coming out of the bush making its way to me. Holy crap (although that was not the original word I used...) A bear came running towards me and stopped about 8 feet away from me. Immediately I tried to remember the advice of the bear aware videos that we were shown at the beginning of the year said. So this is what happened..it stared me down...I stared it down....using my trusty shovel and my planting bags for armor, I charged the beast. With one blow to the nose, and a wild shriek, I drove it back into the bushes, were it cowered with fear of the mighty tree planter...
okay so that is not really what when on...
okay..so it did charge me and stopped about 8 feet away from me...I remembered from the bear aware videos that the average bear could run 6 times faster then the fastest human being...i am not the fastest human being. So I started to wave my arms...Shouting "whoa bear..whoa bear". I slowly backed away...trying not to look it in the eyes, because with black bears, if you look them in the eyes, it means that you want to fight I do not want to fight a bear. So, I started my descent down the hill hoping others would see something following me. At first, I could see the other planters stop, then look at me, I think they were figuring out what I was doing, (ole thought I was being attacked by wasps..) but then when they saw the bear following me, the others came to my rescue....although it was a pretty persistent bear, since it did not really back off until the others were almost at me. Then it walked along a ridge near the bottom, (i was convinced that it still wanted to have marian chops) and then went into the bushes....I don;t really know what happened to the bear after it went into the bushes, stefan sent the helicopter to look for it...scare it away, but the pilot couldn't see it...so.. yeah..it is still lurking around....making me paranoid....actually not really...but it did give me a good scare...dumb bear..

Ha Ha..the blood sucking creatures can't get me in here

I have not blogged in awhile, mostly because it takes to much effort, by the time you check facebook, and..well, facebook....i don't have any ambition afterwards. But I thought I would tonight, even with the sketchy satellite. Speaking of sketchy...this week has been full of sketchiness....being flown into a block, having it rain and hail (the hail actually was a bit painful), starting to make shelters because it got so cold...yes, I never thought that a person could actually get hypothermia in june, but after this week, i realized that it is possible. It is also sketchy standing in a swamp, in a logged area ( not so many other tall objects around) and seeing bright flashes of light around you, and holding a metal shovel in your hand... repeating: this is sketchy, this is sketchy....sketchy seems to be my word lately.

But yeah, actually even though there is a lot of sketchy things going on, I think I am going to stop.

Do you guys have days were you wake up and feel like the worst person in the world. I have been feeling this way for awhile now. I don't even know how to describe it. I don't know why I have the friends that I do, because I feel like a crappy friend, I don't love others like how Christ loved them. I don't honor my mother or father like I should. I am easily angered, and I fail at so many things. I feel like if i touch something it might just fall all apart. I hold bitterness in my heart, and sometimes I find it hard to forgive. I feel small and insignificant.

you see, everything in my life right now, i feel is chaos, mostly because i feel that the peace that I once had is gone. Maybe because I have not been plugged in to the source. Maybe I have not let go of things that need to be let go of.

I was thinking today, as I was planting, I think it is okay to feel like the worst person in the world. maybe we need those times of humbling thoughts. What if it helps you to realize the grace of God. I am the worst person in the world, but it is comforting knowing that God will take me just how I am. My imperfections, failures, and shortcomings. Funny even now as I right this, I feel stupid for sharing it, to tell you the truth, I hate admitting weaknesses.

I don't know how to end this, but I got to go...

I hope that this does not sound like a depressing blog...because I also thought that if God could use this messed up person to His glory, then it is okay being the worst person in the world.

It's a buggy bug world out there

week five: the bugs attack. I have never, ever been around so many bugs in my life. They swarm, fly in to your mouth, try to crawl up the nose, bite behind you ears, dive bomb your face, and get into your food. You hope that your bug sray works, but it only seems to attract them, while you expose yourself to the deet, it feels like a lose-lose situation.

I have been thinking about chasing after the wind.

Everything is meaningless under the sun?

What motivates you?

Wealth? Power? Prestige? Responsiblities? Obligations?

What makes a person get up everyday, put on clothes, go to work or school, visit friends...

If I didn't have God, everything would be meaningless.

I slave away all day under the hot sun, all for the almighty dollar, so that I can pay for school....it is meaningless...

But there are things that in the end, through doing things that are meaningless, that I have learned.....Perserverance seems to be one of them...

I have been reading Ecclesiastes. I really do not grasp the wisdom that it presents. But God reveals...

I make no sense right now...this is the latest I have stayed up in awhile.

I am going to go to bed, a nice warm bed, in a motel room, where it is bug free...yay

hey guys...my camera was just to run out of batteries, so I think that is why the picture is kinda crappy.

So what is new with everybody?? I am the same old. I am on a day off today, it feels nice to rest the body. I have decided if this is what it feels like to be old, I am not to sure if I really want to get old. But the day off is going good. I slept in to 7:30, which is two hours longer.

We are going into our fifth week of planting, and I can't believe that I have been here that long, but also realized that I have been away for that long as well. I may be a little homesick, but it helps to have friends here.

One month down, two left to go.

I am enjoying being out here though. I saw a bear and a cub, they were so cute ( i might have a different opinion on the cuteness if it was not for the fact I was safely in a vehicle). I am making friends, laughing, and learning about all the various things you can use duct tape for. I am also looking forward to when we go to alberta. I will probably get to experience a couple of helicopter rides to, which really excites me.

Well, I should jet.

Blessings

big bird...

More pictures....the first one was taken one day on the way to work...the next one is an area where I planted some trees...and that's me...how attractive do I look??

So the update...the first two pictures were taken in dawson creek...and the next two are of my home out in the bush for the next couple of weeks. We were in dawson creek because our bus, well firstly our bus from saskatoon broke down, so we waited for two hours there, then because we were late, our bus from edmonton to Prince George was really full, so bryan, ole, nicola, and I were forced to take a scenic route...it was all good though, I got to go to dawson creek for the first time.
Well, I am here in Prince George on my first day off, and I made it through my first week of tree planting. It's exciting being here. I would take more pictures of the scenary, but it probably would not compare. Life here is simple. I get up around six, eat, head off to the bush, plant trees, come back, eat, and head off to bed. I have time to read, which I finsihed one book already, it is called untwisted, by serge leclerc, you can pick it up at parables, I recomend it. Secondly, I have been reading my bible more. Which is nice. I have lots of time to think about things through out the day. Lately I have been thinking about happiness or joy... Well this is sprung from the fact that you have to choose to be happy out in the bush, you see, I been thinking about it when it was raining/snowing and my body hurts and aches, I could choose to be grumpy or see the postive side of things. There is more...but I want to tell what I have been up to.
So the tree planting life. I am a rookie. I am out of shape. So in order to make money, you have to plant at least 1500 trees a day...I just broke 900 trees...translation around 90 bucks..it is a lot of work for that money, I have been starting to compare the price of something to how many trees i have to plant. For instance...$5.00 spent at starbucks=fifty trees. But I will get conditioned to it, then I will make the big bucks...lol..but I am going to be in awsome shape when I am done...
I am on my first day off, tomorrow I head back out to the bush. It has been nice to get clean, I had my first shower (I last showered over a week ago :P), got to sleep in a warm bed...yay and tonight I am going with a bunch of people to see the long anticipated spiderman three..oh the sweetness!!

I will put more pictures on later and stuff...I should go...
Many blessings!!

Busy, Busy, Busy...nah

So here is the low down on my life as of right now. I will be moving five times in the next three days. As of tomorrow at noon, I will be homeless unless our landlord gives us the keys, so far it has been unsuccessful, and it will probably be tuesday before I can move in. My stuff is spread out, I've got some stuff, on Albert street at one friends house, then I have other stuff at another friends house....Plus my tree planting gear is still at my old house. I feel a little disorganized. Tomorrow I get to clean house and move..hopefully...pray for this...because if it is (not being able to get into our appartment) tuesday, i might pull out my hair. I also am leaving to go to prince george on tuesday at 4:30 and I have banking things to do...since I lost my only means to my account. This month has been to say the least, very intense, running on three to five hours of sleep a night. I am looking forward to leaving, even though it is work, I think that it will be a time of rest for me. So here is my good bye to you all!! This will probably be the last time I get to blog for awhile so. I will try to up date it when I can, and put pictures on... feel free to write to me...I might get a little lonely in the bush.
I do have an address and I will write back...
Me
FolkLore Contracting
1077 Eastern St.
Prince George, BC
V2N 5R8
Well, to all have a good summer if I don't hear from you!!
God Bless!

And there was a hearse...

Sometimes I like to be spontaneous. I have (well used to) have this computer that was ummm...littered with viruses. I had this one virus once..well, I thought my friend had sent me something once over msn. So I opened it, thinking it was safe...then my computer disk drive started to randomly open and close meanwhile the computer was making farting noises each time it opened and a jack in the box appeared on the screen laughing at me. Since then I have also incurred more viruses...I used to have Norton...then I tried AVG...then I just gave up...it had a mind of it's own at this point. So, instead of hauling it around, i thought that it would be best to get rid of it. So here is where the journey begins ( you can't really see what is going on...but Kjersti's got a pretty sweet story)...

So, the first minute and forty seconds...is stupid...I wanted to edit it with all my heart...but I had to buy the quick time editing thing...and thought that it was not worth it. And then I couldn't figure out how to put it from quick time on to my blog, so then I had to make a you tube account... Secondly, I am sorry Kjersti, but this might be vindication for the picture on facebook...muh ha ha ha ha...but
Basically, I decided that it would be more fun to drop the tower off of the train bridge then just putting it into the dumpster that way I would feel relieved about all the stress it gave me. (I also wanted to hear the splash it would make...and maybe feel a little destructive...)

Thoughts on Augustine...

I was at the University the other day, studying for my English final, when I ran into my philosopher friend, Ole. Ole was studying for his philosophy final, go figure, but we ended up talking about Augustine. I have always been interested in Augustine, and have been wanting sometime or another to read Confessions. But anyways, the conversation went around this notes. I think they are rather interesting and very thought provoking. It almost makes me want to take a philosophy class. Anywho, Ole was very gracious in e-mailing me some notes of his. And maybe this will connect with others, maybe not, but nonetheless, its very intense.

Great art Thou, O lord, and greatly to be praised; great is Thy power, of
Thy wisdom there is no number. And man desires to praise Thee. He is but a
tiny part of all that Thou hast created. He bears about him his mortality ,
the evidence of his sinfulness, and the evidence that Thou dost resist the
proud: yet this tiny part of all that Thou hast created desires to praise
thee.

Thous doest so excite him that to praise Thee is his joy. [or her joy]. For
Thou has made us for Thyself and our hearts are restless till they rest in
Thee.

(from Bk 1)

So I set about finding a way to gain the strength that was necessary for
enjoying You. And I could not find it until I embraced the Mediator between
God and man, the man Christ Jesus, who is over all things, God blessed
forever, and who was calling unto me and saying: I am the Way, the Truth,
and the Life; and who brought into union with our nature that Food which I
lacked the strength to take: for the Word was made flesh that Your Wisdom,
by which You created all things, might give suck to our souls' infancy. For
I was not yet lowly enough to hold the lowly Jesus as my God, nor did I know
what lesson His embracing of our weakness was to teach. For Your Word, the
eternal Truth, towering up above the highest parts of Your creation, lifts up
to Himself those that were cast down. He built for Himself here below a
lowly house of our clay, that by it He might bring down from themselves and
bring up to Himself those who were to be made subject, healing the
swolleness of their pride and fostering their love: so that their
self-confidence might grow no further but rather diminish, seeing the deity
at their feet, humbled by the assumption of our coat of human nature: to the
end that weary at last they might cast themselves down upon His humanity and
rise again in His rising.

(from Bk VII)

And then these were some of my notes:

"When I was young, I thought I had to wrestle with the Devil, but now I know
that I wrestle with God, and that I always wrestled with God: and I know now
that God always wins."
-attributed to Francis of Assisi


"Augustine's sense of the human self, the "I," is a question. We are a
living question, not only the one from which the question proceeds and who
moves through the question to some place, not only are we the one in whom
the question takes place, but we are the very enactment of the question: who
am I?
Augustine struggles throughout the Confessions to enact this question,
seeking desperately for an answer, saying "I became a great enigma to
myself."
Asking the question raises the recognition that the human self is suspended
between the finite and the infinite. We are fallen and have forgotten the
infinite image of God within us, desperately seeking its infinite Source.
To enact the question "who am I?" is to re-orientate toward your life toward
the infinite Source: God, the Giver of life.
Augustine, however, finds that he cannot on his own strength ever answer the
question on his own. Rather, the embrace of the Crucified Christ reveals to
him his true self: broken, sinful, naked, desperate, alone-- yet not alone!
Embraced in the unconditional love of the One who was crucified with Him!
Augustine finds the answer to the question, "who am I?" spoken from the
cross and becomes a living response and reply, surrendering himself into the
embrace of Christ."

-Ole Schenk, paraphrasing the notes of Michael Poellet, 2007.

Finished!!

I am done! I am done! I am done! I am done! I am done! I am done! I am done!!!!!!
No more school for four months!!!! Yay!!
And I survived my first year!!!
Cheers!

Oh the ker-fluff-fill-ness of it all

Everything in life is a learning process. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Although, this attitude does not come naturally, let me tell you, but comes after learning that with a mature(ing) relationship with God you realize that there is good and bad, and a purpose for everything, even if it is crappy. I have been praying for a teachable heart and for wisdom, and I think that the only way to get these gifts is through life experience. Now, not all of life is experiences are bad, but you seem to learn the most from your own mistakes. And God may never intended to have bad things happen to you, but we do live in a world runned by sin. I have learned that you can either sit and dwell on the crappiness of it all and your own self-pity, or you can learn from things, and move on and help others. Moving on does not mean about forgetting things, but embracing it and learning from it only then God allows you to move away. To live in denial of the past only corrupts the future. I was reading through job. Job seems to be the book that people read when they feel crappy, but it struck me yet again. No matter what God allowed Satan to take away from Job, Job always claimed sovereignty. That the Lord is God. So God is good, all the time, God is good!!
Secondly thing is wow, I cannot believe how fast time has flown by. I am almost done my first year of university, well I have one more final on Wednesday...then I am FREE!! Although I am thinking of all the things that I have to do between now and this weekend, and I think I probably procrastinated a bit more than what I should of. On top of it, it is sad to say, I lost my debit card again. Yes this is in totally the third card that I have lost this year...well earlier being my first debit card, the my global payment card, and now my new debit card**try not to laugh...feel the pain***. I think that they should develop microchips and put them into the card so you can trace where the card is and then you can find it. I do not know how I lost this one...all I know is that I used it last either last thursday after my test or on Wednesday night to get cash. I can't remember. I know, I am pathetic. Now with loosing my stupid card, I have absolutely NO access to my account. But I did manage today to go to the affinity credit union, made a check out to myself, then they had to call my home bank, then clear it, then charge me for their credit union services....unfair?? Boo Urns yes...I don't understand all these different divisions of the credit union...they seem silly. But I did get some money out of my account so I could go shopping for tree planting stuff. It seems weird or not really real that I am leaving. But today buying the stuff, helped and tomorrow I am going to get my bus ticket...hopefully. With all this stuff going on, plus trying to study for my final, and moving, AHAHAAHa...I really should of started packing earlier. Oh well, it will get done and life will go on.

Untitled Hymn ( by chris rice)

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head for love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus, and live!
Now your burden's lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain...so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!
And like a newborn baby
Don't be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk, sometimes we fall...so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!
Sometimes the way is lonely
Steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain...then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!
O, when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can't contain your joy inside...then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!
And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side...and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

Contentment

"we want a whole race perpetually in pursuit of the rainbow's end, never honest, not kind, nor happy now, but always using as mere fuel wherewith to heap the altar of the future every real gift which is offered them in the Present."-uncle Screwtape
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. The Screwtape Letters is a good book, if you have not read it, read it, C.S Lewis has a way of writing. But here, unlce Srewtape is presenting one of the most diablicial case to this nephew, Wormwood. In our Christian lives we are supposed to not worry about the future, for the future has enough worries of its own. To trust implicitly is hard. There are somethings though that I don't worry about, for instance, I do not know where I will be in two years or three years or whatever and I find that exciting. I find the future exciting that I know in the next couple of years God is going to do amazing things and things that I thought I would never do. I know this, because I look at the things that I have done already. But there are elements of the future that I continually worry about, because I have absolutely no control over, which I know is a good thing.
Secondly I thought about how many of us chase after the rainbows end, how many of us are not content because we are striving for something that is just out of our grasp. If I just get my degree, then everything will be fine, then I can start life. This is where I am at, is Christ determining what is contentment or am I trying to determine that. Although i don't think getting a degree is bad, and it is something that I am looking forward to, but it is the attitude around it. Contentment has been learning that it is not the gradification of things that I want, but it is me realizing what God has already done for me. It is me realizing just how much I posses in Christ. "such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God." -2 corinthians 3:4-5

The river of life

Sitting in the kitchen, trying to keep my focus on my paper, but my mind just doesn't seem to stay on track. I day dream a lot. As I was sitting there, I don't know what sparked this memory, but I sat there for ten minutes laughing about it. If you had a camera stationed in the kitchen, it would of been a funny clip. But I would like to share it with you. Even though it was probably one of those things that you would have to have there to find it funny...
Growing up there was this road in frontier that was pretty bumpy. Yes, there is a lot roads in frontier that are bumpy, but this one in particular, was really bumpy. The pavement was all warped and full of pot holes, we called it the River of Life. Why the river of life?? Because if you drive fast enough down it, you feel like you are going down white water rapids and then you have to hold on to dear life. I remember one night Kjersti and I were going down the river of life in the Bob mobile (long live bob!!) and we always sang a lot in her car, bad singing at that. Our two favorite songs where "I will always love you" by Whitney Houston and the song off of the prince of Egypt, and we never really knew the whole song...only, "river, oh river, flow gently for me, such precious cargo you (then it went into a cross between a turkey gulping and screamo..) BEEEAAARRR". Now when you mix two hyper girls, the river of life, bad singing, and an old car, it makes for some good times.
Now reading this, I don't know that you will appreciate or find it funny. But, when you live in a small town, you have to find something to do.
P.S-I am sorry Kjersti for letting out our "little secret" he he

Your Elf Name Is...

Twinkles Candy Cane Lips

What's Your Elf Name?

Your True Love's Name Is

Nathan S.

What's Your True Love's Name?

Hey Megan you better watch out!!!

unexpected things..

I think it is really cool how God brings people into your life. Especially when it comes to friends. I have been blessed with such friends, friends that you can call and cry too, laugh with...friends that you can tell anything to, and you know that they love you can care for you....friends that you can hang out with for hours and hardly say anything, friends that you make memories with, friends that you can share your journey with. I hope that I am that same friend back as well. I guess that is how God designed it to be, to rely on our brothers and sisters in Christ, our support systems if you will.
A couple of days ago, I met a lady who was in saskatoon visiting some friends. Anyways, as we began talking it was not before long we started to talk about religion. I found out that she had just became a Christian seven months ago. It was really refreshing/encouraging to be around someone who is new in the faith...they seem to have this glow about them....bubbly...her enthusiasm was very evendent. We started to talk about bible verses, bible schools, churches, family, and in those few moments I found out about her passions, and her heart for God. As we talked more, i found out that she is planning to go to guatemala for a missions trip...which is cool, because i went to guatemala for a missions trip. Sweetness....plus i found out that she was going to work in the garbage dump, thats were we did a lot of ministry as well. It makes me excited to see how God brings people together, even if it is for a short duration.

i like my new boots

Since I was going tree planting this year, I got to spend money on a pair of hikers. I have been wanting a pair of hikers for a while, but felt guilty about spending that much money on a pair of boots. But since I am going tree planting, it is imperative that I do spend money on boots. I like my boots. I like them even more because I got a sweet price for them too, which was a God send and it also helps not feeling guilty about spending money on shoes. Umm. Also buying the boots spring boarded me into thinking more about tree planting. Honestly, I am not going to lie, I might die, or just feel like it for the first couple of weeks (I could meet my death and dismemberment by a large animal). I am excited that I get to spend three months in the bush, not showering, hence smelling, campfires, it is kind of an adventure...I like adventures....although I am not too sure how much I am going to like living with the creepy crawlers that, in fact will make an apperance sometime or another in my tent. But going tree planting enables me to cross it out on my "things I want to do sometime in my life before I croke list". As I was thinking about it, I have a lot of things that I would like to do sometime before I kick the can...amy this was partly inspired by your blog....and I am too going to make a list...
-go on a road trip on a motorcycle
-buy a street bike
-go sky diving
-finish school
-get a tattoo
-get really sweet on my guitar
-travel...everywhere and anywhere....
-work in an orphanage or some sort of ministry
-be wisdomful...(i know that is not a word)...but everytime I see a person who knows the Bible like the back of there hand...it inspires me.
okay, that is all I can think of right now. I should get back to doing homework. I am easily distracted. Anyway. Cheers.

Almost done

It is weird, the end is in sight. I put in my two week notice at the store. This year has gone by fast.

The first 2 minutes and 45 seconds, is what I really enjoy about this clip from the matrix. There is a lot of symbolism in it, but that is not what I actually want to blog about.
Have you ever gone somewhere and felt a heavy blanket covering your soul? To feel the spiritual darkness that surrounds a place or an area or a gathering? I am sure that most of us have experienced this. I feel like this every time I go down 20th street. On Tuesday, I was driving down 20th around 12:30am, and I saw a couple of girls walking around, you can tell that they were working. My heart breaks, everything in me wanted to stop my car, get out, and go and talk to them. But I did not, I just sighed and continued on my way. What stopped me?
A couple of years ago, I did an urban outreach with my bible school. My destination was saskatoon, where I spent a week living on 20th street. I know that only spending one week does not give me license to know to what all goes on, but to walk around that part of town, to watch girls get picked up, to watch people go in an out of various houses, to see young children walk into a food bank with their younger siblings and spaced out parents, it breaks your heart. To see things on that level, changes your perspective. I like going into that part of the city, it serves as a reminder that saskatoon is not this nice pretty city where everything is okay. I remember on our outreach we had the opportunity to had out roses to the ladies that were working on the street. Their was this lady who was sitting by the door outside of this porn shop. We had just finished handing out roses, but Krystal and I ( I am not too sure who else was with us) had one left. When we walked over there, she started to cry. She had prayed that God would send her a sign telling her that she was loved. Not all of our roses were excepted in this way, and I do not blame them for feeling any different. But to the ones who were hurting, God really worked. That is why I feel such a strong conviction to stop, but that is why I also I am scared to stop. I don't even have clue of what they have been through, and I do not want to come across that way, so that is why I continue on, and pray for them. I find myself frustrated because I want to help, but I do not even know where to start. So, there is my little rant for the night. I don't even know how to end this...

sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy

I just want to share this with everybody. Maybe you will learn from my mistake. Do not put twenty dollar bills in the machine at the university parkade. $20-$6=$14 right?? not according to the machine. ( $20-$6=$0) When they say university is expensive...I say parking is expensive. Next time.... parking ticket here I come..it is cheaper. Ha.

Glory be to God

"when I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings, and crowned him with glory and honor" -king David

I sit here awe struck. Humbled. But loved.

I thought that this was funny...

Your Hair Should Be Red

Passionate, fiery, and sassy. You're a total smart aleck who's got the biggest personality around.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

The confession of an insomniac

I have a problem. Sometimes I just cannot sleep. It probably does not help that I work at a grocery store where I work retard hours on Fridays. Because of this my body gets used to the ill adequate amount of sleep I acquire most weekends. I am finding that it also carries over into the week. I should go to bed right now, but I know that I will toss and turn for the next couple of hours. But one thing I do appreciate about the mindless work that I do through the night, it gives me a chance to think about things. Like tonight.
Patience. I know that I have talked before about it on my blog. But it seems to be this reoccurring them that God is trying to speak to me about. Why? Everything in my life is requiring it at this moment. Maybe it is a control problem and I have to learn to just let go and trust. Maybe it is because I like to know what is happening with my life (although it really isn't my life). Or is it that fact that outwardly I look like I have patience but inwardly sometimes it feels like nails on the chalk board. But tonight, God spoke to me while I was peeling of prices, sticking new ones on, listening to the radio. I love how real and active God is, it never stops amazing me at the things that he does. But yes I am going into a tangent. What He spoke to me about.. while it was almost like a revelation, or when you read scripture, it threads together and makes sense...and a new way of looking at it happens. I have often wondered about how to build your relationship on the solid rock and I have been recently re-exploring it lately. Why? As a Christian wouldn't i have already built my life upon Christ, the cornerstone, the solid rock. Well I have done that, or else I probably would of fallen off the track long ago. BUT, I pray that God's words will continue to be the stronghold for me, so when in life, more bigger storms come along, I will be rooted, and I will not swiped into the sand or go over the edge. Remember sin is always crouching at your door, seeking who to devour.
" therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and outs them into practice is like the wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house, and it fell with a great crash." - Matthew 7:24-27
So to get back on track to what I was thinking while I was working. I thought actually more about the house. Because Jesus is the foundation (1 Corinthians 3:11) and I thought of myself more as the house. Do you remember when you were a child and either your teacher or your mom or dad or whoever, read you the story of the three little pigs. (maybe after reading this my blog tittle will make more sense to you). Anyways, the first little pig makes his house out of straw and the wolf comes along and blows it over. The second little pig, makes his house out of wood. Wood is pretty stable, but the wolf comes along and blows that over as well. (lots of homeless pigs going on..as the G rated version would be..ha ha..) The third pig however is smarter and builds his house out of brick. The wolf huffed and puffed, but the house would not go down. What point am I trying to say? Well, how easy would of it have been to make a house out of straw or wood. The time probably would of been considerably less. I think that there would be more patience involved building a house brick by brick and how easy would it have been to give up. But if he did, he would of been a homeless or more than likely...one dead pig. But his reward for pushing through was life. This is were the second piece of scripture that God spoke to me about.
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, PATIENCE, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control" Galatians 5:22-23
God is working in me so that I can have the fruits of the spirit, which, relates back to the first thing I was talking about...when things in life pop up, instead of falling into the old nature..the selfish nature...everything that the fruits of the Spirit is not....I would be able to withstand and continue to be built up on the rock. More maybe it is a maturation process why the theme of patience keeps reoccurring, because in order to get that fruit, I do need to be pruned. So this is what God convicted me of tonight, it hit me like freight train, providing clarity from my own diluted thoughts. I need to make my house (house: who I am) with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. And I confess that I haven't been doing a good job of this. Well, good night or good morning....

I've got nothing to say.

the can is almost bigger than the car

Okay, that was the biggest Red Bull can I ever did see. In fact my sister and I kinda stalked them down Broadway to get a picture. Although, we did not achieve getting a super good picture....we did get some odd looks from the passengers of the "bull mobile". I thought it was funny anyways. This week has flown by unexpectantly fast, thankfully my sister was here to keep me entertained. Which then reminds me of a funny story.
My sister had an appointment this week to get a brace fitted for her ankle. Being the good sister that I am, I took her to the doctors office. Now, I do not think I am old...but I do not think I look like I am fifteen either. Maybe it was the way I was dressed that day...I don't know. But after the appointment, Patricia comes out with a big smurk on her face. As we proceed to the car, Patricia informs me that the doctor had walked her into his office and said," your mother can come in to, if she wants". Ouch. I do I look like I am am forty?? I do not know what is worse...being called fifteen or being called forty....

roses are red...so was my face

I think everybody should have the experience of a barber shop quartet sing to them, especially when you are working at a grocery store, and everybody stops what they are doing to watch. It makes a girl feel special. It also made my face go really, really red, but it was awesome.

To be still

It is two-thrity in the morning and I have no calling for bed. I think I want to explain a bit more on he poem, On his Blindness and why I posted it. Sometimes I say or do things without explaining things, mostly because I am not really good at expressing it. So hopefully I can communicate it and you will be able to understand where I am coming from.
Has God ever called you to do something, or you get a glimpse of what you are supposed to do, but you know that you are not ready to do that yet. Milton wrote On His blindness just before writing Paradise Lost. He had a mission, he was called to write it, so much so, it bothered him ( you get the feeling of restlessness)...It was his one Talent...what God called him to do. In the poem, the one Talent was referring to the Parable of the Talents. The Parable of the Talent....the master gave each servant a talent(s) according to their capabilities. Anyways, the last servant buried his talent because he was afraid to use it and the master called him wicked and lazy. God has given me a talent, just as he has given you a talent. Honestly, I am scared to use it. Mostly because it entails being exposed...which is the opposite of what I naturally want to do, hide, like how the servant buried his Talent. Then I get into this whole performance orientation thing....Am I letting God use me enough? Am I reading my Bible enough...am I praying enough.....am I evangelizing, tithing, ...when is enough? When do you get into that balance of an intimate relationship with God where striving to perform ceases? Does that ever occur? Is it a something you want to have: being content with your relationship with God?... Or will I be always be thinking...well I can always improve in this area... But then it hit me....and I was totally missing the point of a relationship with God....Be still and know that I am God... So this is where I am...Being still....being patient even in the face of restlessness....and knowing that I will always fall short, but God's grace is abundant....and he loves me...despite my best efforts to please him....and trusting when the time is right and when I am ready, my talent will be used. The last line in the poem, it says, "They also serve who only stand and wait." God is not using me any less in this time or in this moment. So instead of feeling like I am useless, I know to slow down and ask God..."where do you want to use me today?". And that is where it starts.... so when I get to heaven...hopefully God will say, "well done good and faithful servant". As for being content with my relationship with God... I think I will always want to know, learn and better my relationship....but also to know when to be still...letting God speak to me....and yes he knows everything about me...but he wants to build a relationship with me as well...and that can't happen if I am wrapped up in myself. I should go to bed now.

I got tagged

Thanks Morgan...
Five random facts about me:
1) I love anime...and yes, I used to watch Sailor Moon.
2) I hate the feeling of towels..especially if you are holding a towel in between your teeth...CRINGE!!
3) I love hot tamales and cinnamon hearts...I once put a whole ziploc sandwich bag of cinnamon hearts at once....I was expelling red saliva.
4) I once flipped upside down on my bike on culvert going full speed, hello captain obvious..who wouldn't of seen the big metal thingy sticking out??
5) I have a thing for drummers.

So I guess I have to tag two other people....so I tag Kjersti and Amy. Cheers!

On His Blindness

On His Blindness, is one of the sonnets that we studied in my English class this year. It is written by John Milton, who also wrote Paradise Lost. There seems to be so much passion behind the words and the deep meaning...which you can figure out for yourself...it conveys somewhat how I am feeling.

On His Blindness

When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest He returning chide,
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts. Who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at his bidding speed,
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait."

Blessings

Every good and perfect gift comes from above. I do not want to take anything for granted. I have been given food to eat, clean air to breathe, a new beginning every day, a healthy body, a car to drive, knowledge to be attained, friends that are new and old, a place to live, a job, ears to listen and a voice to speak. I live in a country where I can vote, and I do not have to worry about war on my door steps. It is amazing that God's giving nature doesn't depend on how much I do, but on how much he loves me.

CRAP!!

So, today we stopped at Wendys to get some food before the Billy Talent show. I opened my wallet to get my global payment card, to pay and it was not there. This is the worst feeling in the world....loosing a credit card that is hooked up to your bank account...but I canceled it, and hopefully nobody went for a joy ride...which I will not know because there was a time frame of 15 hours where I do not know the activity of my account....

I just realized that I have an essay due on Monday...chapters to catch up for reading...but somethings just mean more than school I have discovered. Priorities are good. Maybe your thinking man, your in school, you should make it high on the priority list, but in truth, schooling is not eternal. People are eternal. Schooling is important, and I am not going to kybosh it, and I will get it done (and I will try to do the best I can at it), but there is more to life.

Sometimes

I am a hypocrite.
How can I tell people about the truth of God when I have a hard time dealing with it myself.
Do you ever find that it is the simplest truths about Christianity that is the hardest to believe. Not that I feel this way all the time, because God has done work in my life. But still.. Like this common phrase ....trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. Or do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough worries of it's own....etc. They are so simple but so hard to actually put into practice. But ya, God is good...I do know that even if I am having a bad day. And I do know that God has rooted truths into my life, even if I fully do not understand them.

Picture this

Driving home from church, sunlight shining through the car window warming your face, and listening to this song. Some moments, I wish, could last for eternity..heaven on Earth or a glimpse of heaven?

I love running.
I love the the way the air rushes in and out of my lungs.
I love how running creates a rhythm: how fast my legs are moving, the way my foot goes from heel to toe, and the beat of my heart.
I love pushing myself till I feel like I am going to faint and the energy that I get afterwards.

I came into the realization that I need to get into shape for this summer, so I started to go to the gym again. The bummer part is that I stopped going for about a month and a half, so I feel like I have to start at square one again.

Anyways, while I was sweating away on the treadmill, I thought about how there are different verses in the Bible were our Christian walk is compared to finishing a race. One particular verse in 1 Corinthians 9:25 spoke to me: "Everyone who competes on the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever." Strict training is something that I do not practice very well. I see areas in my life where spiritual disciplines are somewhat lacking: fasting, tithing, evangelism.... Another word in a different verse talks about running with perseverance; to never give up. I like the imagery.

Marian vs. The Arachnid

One thing I like about winter is the fact that the insects usually hibernate. Last night when I came home from work, I plopped down onto my bed and started reading. Out of the corner of my eye I saw this little black thing, the size of a quarter, run across my floor. When I looked over and realized that it was a spider, panic and a slight yelp came upon me. So like any rational person, I unleashed all wrath and furry against the vile creature. This lead to my bookshelve being somewhat empty and my room looking like world war three happened, but nonetheless, I vanquished my mortal enemy. I hate spiders!!!

Friends.....

Yay, for being home and being able to see my friends. Seriously, this is the first time in a year and a half (since jo and ben's wedding) where the five of us have been together in the same room. It is funny how when we were growing up how we took advantage of the time we had together, it seemed normal that we always got to see each other. Now that we are growing up we realize just exactly how precious our time is together.