Ha Ha..the blood sucking creatures can't get me in here

I have not blogged in awhile, mostly because it takes to much effort, by the time you check facebook, and..well, facebook....i don't have any ambition afterwards. But I thought I would tonight, even with the sketchy satellite. Speaking of sketchy...this week has been full of sketchiness....being flown into a block, having it rain and hail (the hail actually was a bit painful), starting to make shelters because it got so cold...yes, I never thought that a person could actually get hypothermia in june, but after this week, i realized that it is possible. It is also sketchy standing in a swamp, in a logged area ( not so many other tall objects around) and seeing bright flashes of light around you, and holding a metal shovel in your hand... repeating: this is sketchy, this is sketchy....sketchy seems to be my word lately.

But yeah, actually even though there is a lot of sketchy things going on, I think I am going to stop.

Do you guys have days were you wake up and feel like the worst person in the world. I have been feeling this way for awhile now. I don't even know how to describe it. I don't know why I have the friends that I do, because I feel like a crappy friend, I don't love others like how Christ loved them. I don't honor my mother or father like I should. I am easily angered, and I fail at so many things. I feel like if i touch something it might just fall all apart. I hold bitterness in my heart, and sometimes I find it hard to forgive. I feel small and insignificant.

you see, everything in my life right now, i feel is chaos, mostly because i feel that the peace that I once had is gone. Maybe because I have not been plugged in to the source. Maybe I have not let go of things that need to be let go of.

I was thinking today, as I was planting, I think it is okay to feel like the worst person in the world. maybe we need those times of humbling thoughts. What if it helps you to realize the grace of God. I am the worst person in the world, but it is comforting knowing that God will take me just how I am. My imperfections, failures, and shortcomings. Funny even now as I right this, I feel stupid for sharing it, to tell you the truth, I hate admitting weaknesses.

I don't know how to end this, but I got to go...

I hope that this does not sound like a depressing blog...because I also thought that if God could use this messed up person to His glory, then it is okay being the worst person in the world.

It's a buggy bug world out there

week five: the bugs attack. I have never, ever been around so many bugs in my life. They swarm, fly in to your mouth, try to crawl up the nose, bite behind you ears, dive bomb your face, and get into your food. You hope that your bug sray works, but it only seems to attract them, while you expose yourself to the deet, it feels like a lose-lose situation.

I have been thinking about chasing after the wind.

Everything is meaningless under the sun?

What motivates you?

Wealth? Power? Prestige? Responsiblities? Obligations?

What makes a person get up everyday, put on clothes, go to work or school, visit friends...

If I didn't have God, everything would be meaningless.

I slave away all day under the hot sun, all for the almighty dollar, so that I can pay for school....it is meaningless...

But there are things that in the end, through doing things that are meaningless, that I have learned.....Perserverance seems to be one of them...

I have been reading Ecclesiastes. I really do not grasp the wisdom that it presents. But God reveals...

I make no sense right now...this is the latest I have stayed up in awhile.

I am going to go to bed, a nice warm bed, in a motel room, where it is bug free...yay