a blank slate

There is a phrase that is reiterating itself in my head. It is going over and over, slighty eating away. It might not mean anything to you who is reading this, but as for me, it seems to be making me angry.
"how can someone impact their world when they can't even make it to a meeting?"
I joined this group through mosiac, where they meet once a week, where they get together and talk about things that as a group they can do in the city to help out. One week, they talk and pray about situations and possible places that they can help out, and the alternating week they go and serve. When I joined, I told the person in charge that it was a sweet idea, however, i wouldn't be able to make it to the meetings on monday nights, (i have school) but when they do the outreaches, I would be more than willing to help out(b/c they usually have been on the weekends). And that seemed to be okay with them. So, when they have sent out an e-mail stating that they are doing something, I have gone down and did it. But I keep getting these e-mails saying that how I need to be more committed, and giving me a general feel that I am not doing enough. I guess that phrase is icing on the cake for me.
I am learning not to care what people think of me. If someone wants to think that i am lazy and that this type of ministry is not on a priority list for me....
There are a lot of things breaking my heart lately,
my heart breaks for the kids at the nursery, for the situations that some of them have come out of, and for the kids that are getting pushed into our messed up system. My heart breaks when I am driving down the alphabet streets and I see young women get into cars and the hell that awaits for them. My heart breaks for the abused and hurting, knowing that all I really can do, is to sit and listen. My heart breaks for my friends who are going through tough times.
But their are a lot of things that are restoring my heart as well, that give me tears of joy. God knows my heart, God knows what I do, and i will leave it at that.
I really can only do so much, physically, I am tired, mostly because I have been battling a virus for three weeks, most days I am feeling achey and cold coughing up nasty things. Last weekend, one night I was so sick that I couldn't hold anything down. I also had a bunch of people over, which was unfortunate that they got to hear me barfing all night long. But I broke down, and I am going to see a doctor tomorrow.
So how can someone impact their world when they can't even show up for a meeting?
well, I would rather go and do something that is hands on, where I am not sitting on a comfortable couch discussing about all the things we could be doing sipping back tea.
Personally, I don't think that he was trying to be hurtful, but I think he's got backward tactics for trying to get people to come.
So, I am in the process of writing him an e-mail, simply stating that I can't come tonight because I am busy, which is further going to solidify his opinion of me.
.whatever.