Have you ever gone wall climbing? I can't say that I enjoy it too much. I have discovered that I have a slight fear of heights which makes my legs shake when I am trying to pull my self up. I have visions of slipping and bending my finger nails backwards. There is also the real fear being heavier than the person spotting me, while I am plummeting towards the floor he or she is experiencing lift. I believe that these are very rational fears which supports my decision on not participating in such activities. I have had a reoccurring dream throughout my life. The dream is not exactly the same though. However, the basic premise is about me falling. Some of these "falling" heights have included standing on a chair, being on a mountain side, on top of a staircase, one time a cloud and have also included standing on top of a large dam. They usually jolt me awake. Recently I have been thinking about these dreams more. I think I have another real fear that I have been ignoring for a while, and that is taking the plunge. I want to experience God. All, I want is God. I believe that this was reconfirmed in my life when I went to Costa Rica. I saw how God was using each person in the Church there. I saw the passion and the commitment that they had for their God given vision for the Cabacar people. I need to bring that intensity for God into my everyday life here in Canada, here in Swift Current. I am praying for revival here in Swift and it starts with me, in my heart. I have realized I have become the very thing that I did not ever want to be: complacent. I think God has brought me to a very pivotal point in my relationship with Him. I live a Christian life. I go to Church, try to keep up with my devotional time, I don't usually swear, I don't really drink or go out to the bars. However, I think I fell of the Spiritual ban wagon and I need to get back on [it's a slow fade!]. I don't know what it is going to look like. I think that I need to get a mentor back in my life. I am also praying for my group of friends here. That somehow we can get super passionate for the Lord, and that we can talk about how God is working in our lives, instead of always making superficial talk. I am praying that God will reveal himself here.
Taking the plunge and following God means that I have to let go of things that I want for my life. I know sometimes this decision is harder at times. I think it is why I have been reluctant to verbally say it {it's been a two year process}. Letting go of the fact that I may never get married, or have kids, or I may have to give up certain comforts, drive a ugly vehicle, may be in a foreign country or perhaps some small town where I don't know anybody. I am also trusting that God will take me where I need to go in His due timing, so I also don't need to worry about it {but just have the discernment to know} .
So, I was thinking how much I hate wall climbing, but how much I loved repelling. The first time I went I was on the side of a mountain, high above the tree tops. There was a huge adrenaline rush as I leaned back and let myself go over the edge. I feel like this is a good metaphor of how I am feeling. Once I let myself go, I experienced the best rush of my life.
May God bless and keep you. May His face shine upon you and give you His peace.
-Marian
