They are all just so dang cute!





She got distracted when I said her name...




I find this funny...

Wrinkles....

I turned 25 this weekend. It was pretty fun...I have wrinkles. I know I shouldn't be too worried (or else I will get more wrinkles)...but seriously? I feel like my face is that of a prepubescent grandmother..on one hand...I still break out...on the other....I am getting wrinkles...is there no justice?

One the other note:
I had a pretty sweet birthday. BreAnn came up to visit and stay the night on friday. She also somehow managed to persuade me into not opening my present...which is a difficult feat in itself...[i am really not patient when it comes to knowing that I have a gift and not knowing what it is]. The present did remain a secret for most of the night, until she blurted out, " so what do you think your pajamas are"...which I then got a bright look of victory on my face and BreAnn had horrified look to her face. I replied "pajamas?".

Saturday another friend came up to the city. We went motobiking down the trans-canada for my first time...it was really hot out...and windy...so windy the over sized jacket puffed up like a ballon, in which i thought i was going to sail right off the bike...

Sunday we had a multipurpose party... Another friend of mine turned 25 on the same day...and another friend was heading off to europe...and it was a welcome to swift current party as well. I had lots of yummy things to eat...things which I know that would make my volleyball coach upset...Meh! (i love dq cake!)

Peace out!

I feel like a certain frenzy has taken over....everybody is getting married! But it is a good frenzy; it's comforting to know that my friends have awesome guys or else it may feel different about it.

I went home to suzy's wedding shower. It was nice. [see above pictures]. Frontier holds the best wedding showers because they give an abundance of gifts. Sometimes I struggle with the urge to get married just so I can have a wedding shower ;)

When I was sitting down and observing the head table, it made my heart happy just to see how suzy was so excited and so in love!

job or no job?
I realized that I both hate having no time and having lots of time on my hands. When I was at work, I always thought of a million things I could be doing if I was not at work. Now that I am unemployed, I wish I was working, making an income and not having to worry that much about it. I think that I secretly love to be over committed too many things. I had a job interview this morning. It was slightly awkward, only because I had just woke up, it was only 8 am [I don't think straight when I first wake up and secondly who freaking calls at 8am for a job interview!]. Taking the position would mean that I am working full time. I like to think of myself having a high threshold for stress, I know that I could do it...but maybe I just have a superwoman complex that needs to be readjusted...

I am also getting sick of school and would like to be in a profession. I will be 25 years old next week, maybe I should be comparing myself to my friends, but they are all in the career stage of life...and I am still the poor student...ah! So I have decided to take more classes...I think that God wants me to be done too, since He's been opening up the doors.

Lastly, I am playing volleyball again. I don't mind that it consumes my life, I think that it helps with my mental stability. I think that this year is going to be different. I am slightly out of shape so to remedy this decided to join a gym and go on a modified eating plan.

I was in the drug store the other day and I have never bought vitamins before. Now I have read somewhere that omega 3 is good for you, then I thought that I should by some calcium pills [i like strong bones] and lastly I bought some acidophilus for the tummy.

Now I don't really swallow pills that well. Even taking the gel Advil I need lots of water. So when I took out the calcium ones I could not believe the size of them. They look like large animal pills, maybe for a horse. I like chewables, i should of just got Flinstones. But being an adult now, I thought that old enough that I should be able to just take the whole one. So I put it into my mouth...five minutes of gaging and trying to convince myself to swallow...it started to dissolve...
I cut it in half now...but I still have some troubles...but I figured out a technique.

home.

I have been home for a week now. I don't know how to start to tell about life in the last few months. I miss my babies. I see white children and I think they are funny looking. I miss singing twinkle twinkle little star. When I hear a child cry, it's weird that I don't have to go over to settle it down. I was in a department store, I saw some baby clothes, I looked at them, thinking about who it would look cute on.

But as much as i did love it there. i am glad to be home. If you want a more in-depth story, you just have to phone, and i would gladly go out for coffee with whomever wants to go through 1900 pictures (yeah, I know).

Sometime i will post some pictures of the adventures in cape town.

i have nine minutes

ok, so i am alive and loving cape town. I climbed table mountain today. i went with some guys and a gal from germany. they were in shape. i am just getting over a bad chest cold. i thought that i was going to die on the way up the steep vertical. who needs cable cars, right? definitely took one down.
on the plane ride down to cape town, my friend and i sat next to this guy, who when he found out we were working at an orphanage gave us these free tickets. it ends up that these v.i.p passes are worth 800 rand. so we are going to go and eat food from the top 18 best cooks in the world. yes, in the world.
so that's exciting.
well, i am going to go and enjoy the plus 35 weather.

Ezekiel 36:26

i find it funny that whenever I am away from the computer, I always think of things that i want to write about. but when i am here, my mind goes blank.
so much has happened in the last month and a bit. It took me a month to get used to everything here; the kids, the routine, the cement walls surrounding the farm...
i will just talk about some of my highlights from the this past month..
1) is I went into soweto with one of ladies who works at tlc. she showed us her home and the surrounding soweto area. I did get to see nelson mendala house, the hector piterson museum, and of course just the driving around soweto was interesting in itself. But martha took us to this very traditional resturant..basically you buy meat, then go around the back, put it on a braai ( which was a barol (sp?) cut in half with a grill on top). the surroundings was interesting, which it's been a couple of weeks since i ate there and I have not lost weight since then ;) but it was very good...
2) I went to the hospital on my day off to see my favorite baby. he had jaundis and needed to be under a light for a week. I also got to go see another baby who just finished having a tumor removed from his head...
3) We had a volunteer weeked couple of weeks ago. Joanna and pippa shared about where some of the babies came from and how the ended up at tlc. Also i got to see a rhino and girafes.
4) Being able to hold Rowan for his baptism
There is probably more highlights that I am just not thinking of right now. I am still continually being stretched. Coming here i felt very selfish in even coming to work at tlc. When I was leaving, people would say to me, that I was doing such a good cause. But I am struggling with the balance of feeling selfish for me to be here. I know that I want to help out and God is using me here and I know that their was purpose. But children need stability and to be able to attach to somebody and build that trust. Sure some get use to having the high turn over of volunteers, but, they need people that will be willing to commit to them for years. Not all the children get adopted out here. do you ever notice when someone goes overseas, there is a big hype about it, like for some reason there is more value in doing some great cause. I think that people do great causes when the go to work, or when they go to school, or just living their lives following what God is telling them. It is in the little things; that is something to be commended for. I was just thinking of in Corinthians when paul is talking about spiritual gifts...he talks about the gifts of prophecy and tongues, and that those are gifts to desire. (and when i think of it, maybe it is just me, but we put a heirarchy to what things are greater then others?) but I like when Paul says that he would rather speak five intelligable words to instruct others than ten thousand words in a tongue... or I like the parable of the lost sheep...there is merit in small things meaningful things
Tlc has become something more for me. I am not just working with orphans , but I am working with God's little children, people who he has specifically created and has a purpose for. I am a surrogate mom for this short brief moment, they probably wont remember me when they are older. I am learning what it means to be a living sacrafice, loving the lord with all my heart, mind, and soul. But honestly, I can't say that I am fully there yet, i see it though. I know there is cost involved, am I at the point of paying it? I am not sure yet. I am not a beacon of selflessness or love, but I am thankful for the grace of God and the oppertunities, like working at tlc to strectch me in those places.

Just a quick one

it's been a little over two weeks since bre and I arrived in south africa. So far, most of life has been consisting of tackling the never ending piles of dishes and bottles, changing dirty nappies, playing, laughing, sometimes getting fustrated, feeding....
but TLC is going well. We are on a farm outside of johannesburg, and from what I can tell, somewhere south of soweto. I actually have no clue where I am, besides knowing that I am inside a brick wall. I feel kind of like I am in prison..( i guess I will explain more when I have the time.)
As for what God is trying to teach me? it's definitly about love. but I will go into that another time as well.
but I am having fun meeting new people from all over the world. a couple of days ago we celebrated austrailian day for the austrailian.
well, i should go...it's raining again...and the power might go off..i still have things i want to get done!
i will update more indepth....

p.s I am getting a sandal tan!

I thought that I should take this time to update, since I am not too sure if I will have internet access when I get to Jo-berg. I guess the phone lines go down quite frequently there because people steal the wire in the phone lines to make jewellery. So chances are I wont be on facebook all to much in the next couple of months. Which is a good thing. When I tree planted I could be out in the middle of nowhere and still access internet. I am curious though, I wonder the less I use internet, the less I will probably feel the need to stay connected.

We fly out tomorrow morning at 6:30, which means that we have to be at the airport bright and early in the morning. The chances of me sleeping tonight are next to none, I can never sleep when I have stuff rolling around in my brain. But I will make sure that we go to the airport early. Last time I flew out of Saskatoon, I thought, "it's saskatoon, like there is going to be a line up". Then I found out that the saskatoon airport is very busy in the mornings, and I was freaking out that I was going to miss my plane to vancouver as I looked at the massive line up that extended to the check in desks.

I don't know what else to say.

Basically all I am thinking about is...

I AM GOING TO AFRICA!!!!

I thought that I would be a little more nervous, but I am not.

Pray for us!

you're a lifesatellite

Sometimes I don't look at my text messages before I send them.

Well, I am officially done school for this year. It's an indiscribable feeling right now...I still feel stressed, thinking that there is something I have to do, like I should be doing something right now, but I don't...Freeing. I feel so free right now, no papers, no finals, no assignments, no volleyball practice, no presentations. But yet, still stressed or paranoid or..i dunno...something. I think it will go away in time, as soon as start to get out of routine.

Swift Current has treated me well. I worked at a daycare here in town. Today was my second last day and I think I am going to be sad to leave. Today I flushed a two foot crap that was seriously the width of a can of pop down the toilet. I actually had to go outside, find a stick, and disect it in order for it to go down the toilet. This came out of a three year old girl who was sitting on the can balling. (i think i would be too, if that came out of me)

This weekend I get to go up to work at the crisis nursery. Being in saskatoon this weekend made me realize how much I miss the city. My friends, the organizations that I worked with, going for coffee with people. But, i will see where the road goes, when it's the right time.

After this weekend, I am heading home again for Christmas for a couple of days. I am not too sure how I feel about this. Last year I worked through the holidays. My mom invited my dad for dinner. I think i could take up Cassidy's invitation to go over to her house for supper, but I think it's time to stir up the hen house. This could get interesting. Then it's back up to saskatoon for a wedding, then back down again for kjersti's wedding, then back up to saskatoon.

I am racking up the kilometers on mustache.

Anways back to Christmas. I am looking forward to it, well and the fact that I will actually be home for it this year, despite certain circumstances I don't want to be around, I will find joy in it, even if it turns into world war three, like Christmases (is that a word?) in the past have. Christmas has never been a really joyous time for me, to be honest. In my youth I would look around to everybody's normal christmas, family gathering, warm houses, baking, the smell of cinnamon, and see normality. Then I hated Christmas because then I got this pious christian attitude about consumerism and how so many forgot the Christ in Christmas. Society spends so much money on things that were not eternal; and then go to church, forgetting about the people who are in need. I am not so much the grinch anymore when it comes to it. Firstly, when you love somebody, it's a normal thing to give a gift to that person. Secondly, the statistic for Canadians who call themselves a Christian is 80%. Is that why other countries are sending missionaries to our country? True Christmas is something to be celebrated, not to forget the orphans and widows, and I would argue that there is a percentage in that 80% who are doing it, I look up to them. Lastly, by focusing on the negative is taking away my joy for Christmas, that a gift was born for me, freely for me to take. So in a sense it was a false guise of thinking that I was on the right path, but I just flew from one side of the pendulm to another. So, back to the symballism of giving a free gift to another, it does show this love, but to also extend love to our brother and sisters in need. But even when I write this I sit convicted, because I know that I still have a lot of work left in my life in this area. But I know that God has worked in me to have a willing heart to learn and push, that someday my Potter will make a peice of art out of me.

I think this is the most I have blogged consistantly in awhile. I should be studying for religous studies, but as per usual, I procrastinate. Like always.
Meh.
So, I was thinking how ironic is was for me to go to Camrose this weekend. It is kind of wierd going back to a place that you haven't seen in awhile. When I drove past mirror lake, a flood gate of memories came flooding in. I was thinking of bible school, friends I made at bible school. A lot has changed over the years. I look back at clbi as my dark years. Wierd, though, because I was a bible school, learning about God, surrounded by other students my age. To be honest, I was really depressed during my time there. Looking back at my old journals from Bible school makes me laugh, and I wonder how I could of been in that mind frame, to think that of myself.
God did a lot of work in my heart. I think that I had supressed a lot in my life, and it finally surfaced when I got confronted with it. God started to reveal himself to me. God moved in me like a frieght train.
But now I think I am at another changing point in my life.
Usually, I have a plan, something, that I can control, a security net. All I know is that I am heading off soon. In April I have no clue what I am going to be doing, no clue where I am going to be, no clue about anything. It is kinda scary thinking about it especially if you have student loans.
But I am letting go of it. as with other things in my life I cannot control.


I was in Camrose for the western canadian volleyball championships. I remember when i was at clbi watching the augustana vikings. i remember thinking about how good they where and how I would never be able to make it on a team. This weekend I got to play them, they are not as scarey as i thought. Funny how you put things on pedestals making them so unattainable.
I wasn't sure if I would even make it on the college team here. But I decided to try anyways, that way I could see my sister on the weekends. For someone who hasn't played in six years, I felt honored to get a league all star award although i felt that I didn't deserve it. Then at westerns this weekend I got an all star award too.
I think I am eating my humble pie.

I don't know where I was going with that. I just think it is all ironic.

on the ipod

what can i do with my obsession?
with the things i can't see
is there madness to my being?
is it wind that blows the trees?
sometimes you further than the moon
sometimes you are closer than my own skin
and you surround me like a winter fog
you've come and burn me with a kiss
and my heart burns for you
and my heart burns

and i am so flithy with my sin
i carry pride like a disease
you know that i am stubborn God
and I am longing to be close
you burn me deep into the unknown
and i feel lonely with out hope
i feel desperate without vision
you wrap around me like the winter cold
you come and free me like a bird
and my heart burns for you
and my heart burns for you

In psalm 63 it says, "O God you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thrists for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where this is no water"

I don't know what is wrong with me lately. On tuesday, I locked my keys in my car...if there is a will, there is a way... and on saturday morning I found that I had put my keys in the wash, because I forgot to take them out. And now, I CAN'T FIND THEM, it is driving ME (haha..not my) nuts....I just tore apart my room, there is clothes everywhere...I have ran through all three levels of the house, still can't find them...I can't even find my spare key....
klajsdflkajsdlfkjasdlkfja'ldfja'lksjdfalksjdf'laksjdf'lkasjdflkajsdflkajsdlkfjaslekjf
i feel better now.

November eh?

I have had lots to talk about, or blog about, but I have not really had any ambition to sit down and write it out. For the most part volleyball has been taking over my life. I have practice on mondays, games on tuesday, (last week I had battle of the southwest on wednesday), practice on thrusday, and then tournaments on friday and saturday, and if we don't then I have another practice on Sunday. I like volleyball a lot, which is why I don't mind giving up the time to do it. But lately I know that I have been losing focus on my devotional life. My first thoughts was: blame my volleyball schedule, or work, or school. But it really isn't any of it. I have not been diligently trying to focus time on it. I don't know why. But last night I went over to friends house, and we sat for two hours and started a bible study on 1 Corinthians. And that's where my focus needs to be. Atleast I still have one and a half months left here.

Thanksgiving

This week in religious studies...

I had some extra credits that I needed to fill this year so I decided to take a religious studies class. So far, I am enjoying learning about the different world religions. This past week we learned about Hinduism. Hinduism kinda intrigues me and made me explore it, comparing it to what I believe in. So here is what i think. Hinduism is not a static religion, and it doesn't exclude other religious like buddhism or even christianity. It's a polytheistic represented by Brahma, Saktas, Durga, Kali, Siva, Lingams, Parvati, Ganesh, Vishnu, Krishna, Lakshmi, and Rama. Because it is such an accomidating religion it means that there are many ways of coming to the ultimate, or a state of nirvana (beyond the metaphysical(i should clarify this that nirvana is a buddhist term, hinduists try to get out of the cycle of karma , and the best word that i could think of to describe it was nirvana, although the technical name for it is moksha). I have been thinking a lot about the postmoderism world that we live in. The basic premisises of postmoderism is that nothing is absolute, that what you think goes, it is accomodating. In the first class that we had, we explored questions of what is religion. I thought that it was interesting how many people answered the question with the same underlying message: that living a good life, God (or who ever you believed in) you would go to heaven. Most people who were answering said that they had Catholic roots. I would like to know where it says in scripture that " by living a happy life, try to be good, and don't worry about what you really believe in, as long as you think that there is a God, that's good enough". I look at our more conservative churches and I see that same attitude of postmoderism seeping through. Thomas Jefferson tried to rewrite the bible taking out all the miracles in the new testiment. Why does the power of God have to be dumbed down?. I have been reading through Acts and examining the life of the early believers. A word that jumps out to me is devoted. What does it mean to be devoted to something? It means that there lives were centered around to the thing they hold dear. In acts 3:42 it states that "they devoted themselves to the apostles teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer". How far does our devotion go in the church? Is church a ritual and emptied of all power? And what about scripture? When do we as a church exchange the authority of man over the authority of the bible? They early believers lived a radical life, because they didn't live on diet christainity. Our post modern church is making everything comfortable, but what about challenging? And if we were living a radical life, people of this world wouldn't understand the foolishness, "for it is the message of the cross that is foolishness to those who are perishing" (corinthians 1:18) And I wonder if people of this world see a differentiating line. I have been thinking about my own life, and letting myself digest it, because I know that I have allowed things to seep into my life. But when I was studying hinduism, I wondered how it was so different from some of the christianity being preached in north america. Some churches have adopted that "everything goes" mentality and that everybody has their own pathway to God; but where is Jesus?

Little boys and bugs

I was sitting outside when little Jayden came up to me. I asked him, " what do you have in your hand?" He then said, " I have a present for you" (since it's my birthday). I opened up my hand and recieved a june bug, which he named goldie. A few minutes later, he came back, wanting me to give me another present. So I held out my hand and he gave me a ladybug named Josie. We were just about to head in for snack, when Jayden came up yet again to give me a present. Being conditioned to the situation, I held out my hand, only to recieve a spider. I may have yelped, and I am sure I did a funny dance waving my hand in the air. I have never got a spider for a present before!

Momma mia, here we go again, my, my how can i resist you...

Well, I spent my first weekend in swift current! It definity was not boring! Friday, I had a date, with Kathryn (the lady that I am living with). We went and saw Momma Mia, and being the die hard abba fan that I am, it was awesome, although many may have a different opinion than me. Anywho, Saturday, I went shopping with my dear little sister and elsa (a friend from millar). Which, I bought a laser printer (ooohh...aahhh) yes, be in awe, because it can fire out those sheets in a blink of an eye (no exaggeration!). Then I headed over to the college to work at the canteen for the rider party. And when I was told about this rider party, I invisioned a projector and a decent sized white screen, what you would see in churches for worship. As I am walking in, I am wondering why is there a 3000 watt generator blowing up this..."thing-a-ma-bob"? ...also I passed it off, thinking it was one of those play pens for little kids. It definitly turned into a 26 feet high movie screen, seriously, do we really need to see spandex bums that big?
Well, after the rider party, I went home, feeling tired, and I went to bed, only to wake up at 7 am. Which on one hand is nice because for the first time in a long time I may have a normal sleep schedule because I dont' have to work wierd hours...YAY! But I wanted to sleep! because I like sleep! And I need sleep!...i finally gave in and got up and enjoyed the morning sunlight that was filling my room. After I showered I headed off to millar and went to church with pat and elsa. My mom also came up to drop off some stuff for her. Patricia wanted to show mom her intern office, so we headed down there, only to get inscripted to moving her stuff around. During this time, Patricia and I took one of her desks out to another room that was down the hallway. As we put the desk down we could hear, "wee...weee...weee". Curious, Patricia and I walked back to her office, finding out that the source of the "wee's" where coming from my mom spinning around and around in a computer chair. My stomach muscles hurt from laughing.
Coming back home wasn't too adventurous, I only passed a cop going 125Km/h, the cop didn't even pull me over...I had to make it back for volleyball practice...
well, I hope you all had a good weekend!

Ok, seriously, I am just rusty

Today I went to up kill the ball (aka: going up for an attack/spiking the ball). I ran...left, right, together up! Except, I was focusing so hard on my timing and steps that I missed the ball. It hit me on top of my head. Yes, I made the volleyball team.

"let this old life crumble..let it fade...let this new life offer me your saving grace"

About eight months ago, my Savior woke me up in the dead of the night. It wasn't an audible voice, but a pounding in my chest and I knew that I had to pray. I had been experiencing a restlessness in my spirit. God revealed to me what was causing this restlessness, because I know how God can use me, that he has called me for something more, and I am not there yet. I was beginning to be too comfortable with my life in Saskatoon. Not that God wasn't using me for His glory during everyday life, during work at the nursery, or at Emanuel, or with Chantel, or whatever I may have been doing...
But you see, I want to passionately follow my Saviour, and in order to do that I need to step out of the boat and walk on that water. A couple months later, things started to fall in place. Which has brought me to Swift Current. I get a lot of questions asking me why I would move here, really I don't know myself; except God opened that door and I feel peace about being here; that stefan's mom graciously opened her house up to me, that the last credit I need in order to apply into social work is being offered first semester...it's really cool how that all worked out because I planned on coming down here way before I knew about course offerings, or even a place to live (actually I didn't even know where I was living until a couple of weeks ago). I don't know how long I will stay in Swift Current, I don't even know what I am going to be doing when I get back from Africa.
Yes, I am going to Africa. I am really excited about going a little nervous, but it is just another step and He is saying "trust me". I am even more excited that my friend BreAnn is coming with me for the first month. We will be flying on the 10th of January from Saskatoon, then going to Minneapolis, then over to Amsterdam, then finally to Johannesburg. We will be working with the Love of Christ family, an orphanage based just outside of Jo-berg. I got my immunization a couple weeks ago, it's crazy: polio (booster), Typhoid, diphtheria, Tetanus, Hep A...and I still need to get a tuberculosis test and they are telling me that I should get my mumps booster, but I don't know about that one :|
But God is taking me on a faith journey. I don't want to live a life of complacency, and in order for that not to happen, I need to obey.
Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile. I will try to keep it up...for you sarah!