I was talking to a friend on msn the other day, and he told me to listen to Dispatch, "General". I have listened to that song, well, I am listening to it now, but I have listened to it everyday.
Man, I can't believe how fast this year went by. I can't believe that I only have two days of classes. I feel again that I am closing another chapter on my life and moving forward to something new. It kinda seems to be the theme of my life, probably why i write about it so often.
God's been placing some ideas on my heart for next year which I will post about sometime in the near future!. I am excited about it and I am praying that if it is God's will, it will get worked out! One thing that I really don't like about tree planting is that I am way from everything going on, away from being able to organize life. In some respects it is nice to have the chance to get away from everything, but when you are applying to different colleges and ..... it makes it hard. So i am feeling a little aprehensive about all the things that I need to get done in the next 25 days. It feels like may, june and july are a vortex in time and I go into a black hole...
But I have been thinking about prayer a lot lately. I have been thinking on how much my prayer life sucks, to be brutally honest. When I think about the importance of prayer and compare it to my measly efforts, my efforts feel.... Sometimes I go into prayer with such a defeatest attitude. In James it says that when you pray you must really believe and not doubt. And a double minded man should not think that he will reicieve anything from the Lord-he is unstable in all he does. It is almost like when I pray I have a fail safe, "well, lord if it is not your will then....". Maybe because I am scared to pray about something with authority and have God not answer me in the way that I want to be answered. It's like prayer is pandora's box, and I have the keys, but I am too scared to open that power.
The amazing thing though, God has answered many of my prayers, and I have seen Him answer the prayers of others. I have seen Hand work in things I have not even prayed about this year.
But there is still one thing lingering in the back of my mind. I have prayed many times for the salvation of my mom, brother, and... my dad. Everytime I go home, it's the same thing, and I start to blame myself: am I not righteous? what sin(s) are harboring in my heart? I feel like such a failure and gives me enough of a seed in my heart to be scared to pray with that authority.
Scales have been falling off my eyes.
"what other nation is so great as to have their gods near them the way the Lord our God is near us whenever we pray to him?". God has a heart for me!! God hears the prayers of the righteous, and I am made right in Christ. The prophet Jeremiah gives us this promise of restoration: call to me (the Lord) and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do do not know. He tells us to ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks recieves; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
There is such a myriad of things that I am thinking about. Maybe I am viewing unanswered prayer from my perpective, maybe from God's perpective it is answered. Maybe he is developing my character, what is he teaching me? I will continue to search...anybody have insight about unanswered prayer?
But one thing that I know, is that I do have a God that I can trust in. I was reading in Luke about the parable of the persistent widow. Again, I am convicted. Jesus told his disciples this parable so that they should always pray and never to give up. The widow kept coming to the judge pleaing for justice. For some time the judge refused, but finally agreed to answer her request because she was unrelenting. This parable tell me to be persistant, like the widow. Persistant I will be then. So pray for me not to give up on praying for my family. And pray for the salvation of them with me.
I still haven't fully understood all the power in praying. I still have a lot to learn about prayer, meditation, and listening. Slowly I am learning.
2 comments:
Wait and pray..hmm..It can be a very frustrating practice to put into place but that is what we are called to do.
We spend an awful lot of time waiting don't we?
Waiting in grocery lines, waiting at stop signs, waiting for deer to cross the road, waiting for the water in the tap to turn cold, waiting for the over to preheat, you get my point.
Now if only during all those times we spend waiting we would also spend praying. It is easier said then done.
I feel for you when you talk about your family, I too pray for my brother constantly to find the Lord, or maybe I should say apply the Lord to his life.
All I can do is wait and PRAY!
I miss the pray part a lot, instead I worry and fret while I wait.
My prayer is that God will burn the names of our family members on our hearts and ignite the flame that will drive us to pray for them. God will continue to bring their names to our minds so that while we wait we will pray with authority that His good work will be done in their lives.
I love you girl!
God is good. I will pray for you and your family. I too am constantly being reminded of the importance of prayer as God puts things on my heart. If I know it is so important why do I so infrequently pray?? Argh...
Keep praying.
It is hard for me to 'demand' things from God too... rather than 'demanding' things in God's name, I believe that believing God is capable of giving you what you ask for is extremely important. And God does know the best times. He knows what you can handle and he knows what you can't. So I guess trusting him is a big part of praying. His timing is perfect... even if it doesn't seem very ideal to us.
I find that when God puts something on my heart I have to pray right then rather than say I should pray about that later... it sometimes doesn't get done. For awhile I kept a prayer journal too, which really helped.
Take Care
It's so hard, but God is good.
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